114 BPM!
The ultrasound tech made me lay down completely on the table, making it incredibly difficult for me to diagnose myself. So I had to ask her if she saw a flicker. She did. I immediately started crying. The HG panicked and said "What's a 'flicker'?" I love the HG. He had no idea if my tears were tears of joy or pain. Once I choked out "heartbeat" he started to tear up, too. Poppy is alone in there and has a heartbeat! Poppy's gestational sac measures 6 weeks, 2 days and our little overachiever is measuring at 7 weeks! What more could we ask for?
I'll tell you what more I could ask for....
Some symptoms. I'd love some morning sickness. Boobs that are sore to the touch. Heartburn. Something. I just don't feel very pregnant. I want to know everything is OK in there. I know, I know, I know. A heartbeat is the best news at this stage. There is nothing more I can know or ask for right now. I know. But it's hard not to want more.
And I'll tell you why I'm worried this time. I'm worried because my progesterone level dropped. It went from 14 up to 21 then down to 15. So I'm freaking out. But you know what? It's my own fault. I asked. The doctor had no interest in sharing it with me. She wasn't going to mention it. Why? Because she wasn't worried. So please, someone, please tell me why I am? Please? I just want to be able to relax and enjoy this and so far, I'm not. Even though everything is looking good. A heartbeat is a really good sign. It's the best indicator of a viable pregnancy. It's what I prayed for. And yet. Sigh. I want to stop worrying. Perhaps after next week's ultrasound, I'll feel better.
Yes, that's right, I get another one next week. Because I was released to OB. Yikes. That's scary. I like the comfort of seeing the RE every week. Of having repeat betas to see that number going up. But my RE is letting me go to OB because I have a "normal" pregnancy. Why doesn't that reassure me? What will reassure me? Probably labor.
And then I'm sure I'll find something new and fun to obsess over. This child will give me sleepless, prayer-filled nights from now till the end of time, won't it?
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7 comments:
It's called "Being a Mommy"...and yes, you will never stop worrying. It's what you are supposed to do. But I'm SO happy for you right now!!!
I agree with Lil!! You never ever stop even when they are grown and out of the house.. or so my parents tell me.
CONGRATS MOMMA! I am so so so over the moon happy for you and HG!
Congratulations Mom! I know the heart beat is the greatest thing to hear especially now. Don't worry I cried when I heard my sons heart beat at seven weeks four days. That was on Valentines Day and that was all that I wanted that year. No fancy dinner with my husband I just wanted to heat my babies heartbeat, 163 and strong. At that point the next worry I had was is it a boy or a girl? Yes the worrying continues today and my son is almost two.
Each day children will give you something to worry about. It's not that bad at this point. I have two teenage stepchildren a girl 16 and a boy 14 along with my two year old son. Now that's something to worry about. What are they into? Who are there friends? Where are there? And the list goes on and on.
Yay for graduating from your RE!!! I'm just so happy you've got a heartbeat-- focus on that awesome news and try not to worry about your progesterone :)
Hi. You don't know me but I accidentally stumbled onto your blog while I was googling "best results of IVF" & your blog was one of the sites that pulled up. My husband & I will be trying to conceive in with IVF when we have saved up enough benjamins. We've been trying for 3 years to get pregnant and nothing yet. I just wanted to leave a comment on your blog & say that I found the things you've written actually very helpful and not to mention hilarious! You've got a great personality & I know that sometimes its humor that gets you through these challenging times.
Well anyway, thanks for the laughs!
I'm so freakin excited for you!!! Try not to stress too much, even though that's what kids are, because you love them so much!
<---fingers, toes, eyes crossed!!!!!
♥♥♥
Zuko
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