Socks.

I have a problem. Hold me.

I am obsessed with baby socks. Not just any baby socks. Baby socks that apparently cannot be found in the United States. For real.

These socks are made in Canada and I cannot find them anywhere. I cannot find them to purchase online. You'd think there would be a Canadian company who would sell them online. You'd be wrong. I'm pissed at Canada. I hate an entire country over socks. This is a problem. Perhaps there is a support group I can attend. "Hi, my name is Kate and I'm obsessed with baby socks."

Ok, but here's the thing about baby socks. They don't stay on. Especially when your child has, sadly, inherited your tiny feet. My feet are so small, the HG teases me that I look like I should fall over. My feet don't look big enough to hold me up. Which explains why I fall so frequently. My feet are too small. Huh. I'm 34 and just now figured out why I'm not the picture of grace...it's my feet. Good to know.

I digress. Baby socks don't stay on. I have tired everything. I've pulled them up to his knees like a little poindexter (am I the only one with an 80's rap song running through my head now?). I've put him in tiny, little newborn size socks. I've put him in bigger socks (I'm not sure what my plan here was. Desperation.) No dice. Nothing works. With 2.6 seconds of having socks on his feet, he will remove them. I once thought about taping them to his feet. But people get all worked up when you tape things to your children (especially if it involves duct tape and pacifiers) and frankly, I think DSS wouldn't find my sense of humor amusing. I don't think they'd understand that asking them if it's OK to tape my child in his crib was a joke. They tend to be a humorless bunch. Not that I blame them. Must be a humorless job. One I could never, ever do. So really, I have nothing but respect for them. It's the idiots who call them on the tiniest of infractions, like, say taping socks to your child's feet, that get me all worked up. So, let's save the fine employees at DSS time and just all agree that it's OK tape the @$#&! baby socks to our children. (The HG has suggested glue. I think that's worse than tape. I would have suggested staples, but come on. Where would I find staples that match every outfit?)

But assuming I can't get the rest of the world on board with my master plan, I will settle for just more of the socks that actually stay on my son's feet.

I will pay just about anything for more of these socks. For one, I cannot count the number of socks I've lost in the past 2 1/2 months. I mean, I'm generally used to opening the dryer to only 1/2 the socks I put in. Like the rest of the world, I have no idea what happens to 1/2 my socks once they go in the dryer. 12 go in, 6 come out. Sometimes, with luck, 4 of the 6 match and I've come out ahead. It really sucks when 6 un-matching socks come out. I have a laundry basket full of unmatched socks. Once, when I was on bedrest, I got ambitious (read: bored) and decided to "match" them all. I came up with 3 pairs. And 147 unmatched socks. How I had enough socks to have 147 unmatched ones in the first place, I couldn't tell you. But I did. And, frankly, still do. I'm pretty sure that someday, all 147 socks will end up with their proper mates and all will be right with the world again.

But at least with the little man socks, I know where they go. They go on the ground on walks to Dunkin Donuts (hey, it's a mile away and they have ice coffee). They go on the floor of the mall. They go to the bottom of my diaper bag (which is a bottomless pit, so they will never be retrieved). They go under the seats of my car. They basically go wherever they land when my little man kicks them off. I can't tell you how many times an out of breath stranger has handed me random baby sock while gasping, "ma'am...you...dropped...this....4 miles back....". I suppose I should be grateful. And I am. But I also feel bad for them. It's always a guy. And he always thinks he's done a good thing. And he has. But sadly, what he doesn't know is that I lose approximately 6.2 pairs of socks a day and have a back stock of socks that will last through at least 17 more children (watch your back Michelle Duggar...I have socks to burn).

So, while I know where they go, I still don't like that they fall off all the time. My poor little guy has his mommy's feet. Small and cold. They're like ice cubes. Tiny little ice cubes with bad toes (hey, he got my feet, but his daddy's toes....). And tiny little ice cube feet need socks. So socks that fall off are useless. I have too many useless baby things as it is. I need socks to work.

And here's the thing. I HAVE socks that work. Not only do they work, they're really cute. I mean, really cute. So cute people stop me to ask where I got them. So cute they feed in to my cute sock obsession (huh, I think I just figured out how I managed to accrue 147 unmatched socks...). One pair has a little duckie and little yellow pom poms. And says "quack" on the bottom. Ok, not very masculine. But ever so adorable.

But I cannot, for the life of me, find more of these socks. I have stalked Babies R Us (which is where they were first purchased). I have scoured the Internet. I even went to the manufacturer's website (no small task since for weeks I couldn't remember the manufacturer's name. All I knew was it was 2 names and ended in .ca....but after weeks of effort, I found it!), thinking that, FOR SURE, they'd have them available for purchase. NO. They don't. I feel like a failure. I need these socks. I'm *this* close to pulling into a back alley in the middle of the night with a $20..."hey man, i just need one pair. Just one pair...." I'm a junkie.

So, in the interest of my sanity and keeping me out of jail (I'm pretty sure whoever I run in to in a dark alley will not understand that I really **am** just after socks...), could someone please tell me where the heck to buy more Gagou Tagou socks?

My secret hope is that someone from the company will stumble upon this post and send me baskets of the socks. Hey, it could happen. Especially if someone were to tell them about this post. I'm just sayin.