Here's what I've decided.

I refuse to accept defeat.
This is my little poppy and I'm not going to accept anything less than a perfect pregnancy from here on out.

Here is the story. I have been spotting on and off since the very beginning of this pregnancy. At first I didn't think anything of it. It was light and was really only pinkish. And it's really quite common during the first few days of pregnancy. Then it changed to bright, scary red. But it's only on the TP, never any more than a very little bit. And despite the increase, my numbers keep going up, up, up. So really, what am I worried about?

Plus, boobs bigger? Check! Sore? Well, sort of, but they never were. So check! Nausea? Well, no. But then again it's early and morning sickness doesn't usually start this early. Food aversions? Oh CHECK! Big, ginormous check! (For the record, Poppy doesn't do too much cheese, zucchini, green beans, or malted milk balls.) Hungry? Check, check, check! Which doesn't help when nothing sounds good. (oh, except milk. YUM!) Tired? There isn't a check mark big enough and I'm not even sure "tired" is an accurate description. Mood swings? Ok, well this isn't a fair one. I'm the queen of mood swings. But Ok, I'll bite. Check.

So we had our ultrasound yesterday. And it was a mixed bag. Oh wait. It was great! I'm only giving good news from now on because this baby WILL be ok. I just know it. (Ah well, now I'm tearing up. What mood swings?) So at the ultrasound, all they could see was the little gestational sack. But I'm only roughly 5 weeks, so that's not unexpected. In fact, it's a reach to say I was even a full 5 weeks on tuesday. I'm fairly certain I ovulated on August 5th (hey, we infertiles can often time it to the minute...) but that doesn't mean I conceived on the 5th. So a gestational sack at late 4 weeks/early 5 weeks is just fine. And it was where it belongs! Which, for the record, is the uterus. Rather than say, my ear. Or fallopian tube. So that's a good thing! And, the best news of all--they can find NO source of bleeding in my uterus. And none in my cervix either. The only source of bleeding they could actually find was some irritation on my cervix. And my cervix was closed. All of that is the best they could possibly hope for this early.

I'll have a repeat ultrasound on Tuesday (which should be late 5 weeks/early 6). At that point, we'll be looking to see a little fetal pole (Poppy is a pole dancer!) Ok. Not really. The fetal pole is actually the little baby. They should also see a yolk sac (mmmm...Poppy loves eggs!) which nourishes the little poppy. I'd LOVE to see a heartbeat. Honestly, I could use some prayers for a good, strong heartbeat. So please send some up for me, the HG, and our little Poppy. We're really quite attached (some of us more literally than others....) to the little guy.

And you know what? Positive thinking is really the way to work this. Earlier today I told this same story to my mother, with a lot more doom and gloom. And wow. It put me in a bad mood. So not having that. Poppy needs a happy place to live.

So I'm about to go feed the Poppy something yummy (not sure what that'll be yet. I'm only good for deciding on food about 3 or 4 minutes in advance. And by the time it gets to my plate, I'm no longer interested....) and celebrate good thesis news with the HG!