So I have news.

I'm pregnant.
Me.
I'M
PREGNANT.

Take THAT Baby Nazi.

So, the logical question is: how did that happen?
Well, kids. When a man and a woman love each other very much, sometimes they do a special hug. And if they do the special hug at the right time, sometimes the woman gets pregnant.

Rough translation: we did this one on our own! No needles. No monitoring. No egg retrieval. No embryo transfer. We did it the old fashioned way. Bow chika wow wow... The HG is so proud of himself. His guys can swim and you'd think he taught them himself based on the way he struts around the house. I suppose sometimes it's the little things.

Speaking of little things, right now my little miracle is the size of a poppy seed. I wonder if it would test positive for opiates right now. Note to poppy seed: drugs are bad. Except progesterone. Progesterone is good. Very good. It keeps the little poppy seed right where it should be! Growing big and strong in mommy's uterus.

Of course, progesterone isn't all kicks. First of all, it's icky. I mean, it's not exactly a pill I swallow...it's more like one that gets up close and personal with my cervix. Yum. You should not eat it. So it's in my body and it warms up and melts. And well. Ick.

Secondly, it can cause some spotting. Which freaks me out every time. But it's not unheard of since the cervix is such a sensitive part of the body. It doesn't take much to irritate it. And when it gets irritated, it bleeds ever so slightly. Funny, because when I get irritated, I yell. And not ever so slightly, either. Though I guess if the alternative is bleeding, a little yelling isn't so bad. Imagine if instead of yelling at Macy's employees (bad, bad Kate, you so lose Karma points), I bled all over them? Um. I'm sure that would earn me a trip to the exit door escorted by the mall's finest rent a cops.

Speaking of mall rent-a-cops at our mall have taken to riding Segway. Ok, seriously, not to judge or anything, but the already have the easiest job in the world. I mean, what, chasing down the occasional shop lifter or breaking up fights between pre-pubescent boys? Not exactly the most taxing job. I think it would be a harder job if they had to walk around the mall with a pre-teen girl. For that, they'd deserve a medal. Or at least the right to ride their little scooters. But seriously, the biggest crime at this mall is someone taking an extra refill from the soda fountain at the Quiznos. Ok, so it's a big mall. I will grant them that. And we recently had a movie filmed there where the mall security guards (would it be more politically correct if I called them "security engineers" what about "contracted security engineers"?) rode around on Segways. So Ok, I get that now the security engineers at our mall fancy themselves as famous...after all, they did hobnob with the rich and famous recently, which clearly makes them important by extension. However, the only thing riding around in scooters is doing is extending their backsides. Seriously, I swear, I saw at least three of them today who were bursting out of their pants. I love a man in uniform as much as the next girl, but either the morning sickness is kicking in or that makes me want to toss my cookies. My money is on the latter.

Anyway, I'm tired and my wit is low this evening. And so Poppy and I are headed to bed!