I have an announcement.

I am pregnant.

Yup, that's right. I'm pregnant.

I realize this may come as a shock to you, but I feel it's time to stop hiding it. The mood swings? It's really not my fault. Trust me, I'd like nothing more than to not be a basket case most of the time. There are times I can see myself from outside myself and I think, "Whoa girl. Simmer." But I swear, it feels like I have the worst case of PMS I've ever had, 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Have I mentioned I married a saint?

On Saturday, I literally collapsed in sobs. Naked. In the middle of the hallway. Why? Because the plow guy didn't do a very good job. I mean, yes, there's more to the story, but that's really the gist of it.

On Sunday, the HG and I were putting together the snow thrower we had to buy after the plow guy screwed up. And I started to panic when I couldn't get the screws in right. The HG said, "Hey, calm down." And I screamed, "You have NO IDEA. JUST NO IDEA." in response. "Um, no idea about what?" Yeah. I have no idea. I think I was annoyed that we were putting the snow thrower together in my kitchen. Still, though. No idea why I lost it like that.

Today, I yelled at the AT&T customer service rep because she wanted the HG's SS number to verify our account. Ok, never mind that I'm on the account as well. And never mind that all I wanted was a replacement phone for the POS they sent me last time my phone broke (hi, it's less than 6 months old and I'm on replacement number 2....). And I think it's a royal load of BS that they need my husband's permission to do that like it's 1952 (Oh, all RIGHT, they need the primary account holder's permission. Don't nit pick.). But regardless. I think it's entirely possible I overreacted a touch when I hung up on her. Twice.

So, I believe it's entirely possible that I'm pregnant. And losing my mind. Why, oh why, is Xanax contraindicated with pregnancy? It would be best for at least my little portion of the free world if I could take something.

Or, absent that, at least get some sleep. I know your body goes through changes in pregnancy to get you ready for parenthood. I do truly believe this. Every pregnant woman I have ever spoken to says she cannot sleep. So I do realize that some of what I'm going through is preparation for the sleepless nights I'll deal with in a few months. But come on. It seems cruel. Nature should work the other way. This is the time you should get your best sleep ever. You know. To stock up.

Also, you should be at your most rational right now. I mean, in a few months my hormones will be running rampant and I'll be exhausted. AND I'll have a new little life to care for. Can't we talk to someone about this? Is this one of those things we get to blame on Eve? You know, like our periods? I'm telling you, that chick and I are gonna TALK when I see her.

In addition to the acid reflux, strange cravings (Peanut butter on eggs, anyone?), weight gain, bloat, and leaky boobs (hot!), I'm sure the the mood swings and exhaustion are irrefutable evidence that I'm pregnant. As if there was any doubt.

But you know, it's not all bad.

Right now, as I type, my little man is throwing a dance party in my belly. I'll take the weight gain, bloat, and leaky boobs for this little guy any day of the week.

I just wonder if the people around me are willing to take the mood swings.