Define "rockstar"

According to the Webster's Dictionary such a work does not exist. How wrong you are, dear Webster. And Merriam. How wrong you are.

Rockstar:

Yes, that's me. And not a great picture, either. (That's the Donster in the background. Well her neck. Hi Mommy! LOVE that necklace.) Yes, I have had one too many margaritas in this picture. But that's the point of posting this one. I'm defining rockstar and it seems only fair that said definition include extra alcohol. Ok, plus, if I'm being honest, it's the only half-way decent one I could find. So sad.

Can we talk for a moment about my nails? They look fabulous, don't they? I had just had a mani. I do love a good mani/pedi. The world is going to hell in an oil barrel and I'm still getting manis and pedis. I suppose it could be worse. Besides, if the $40 a month I spend on getting my nails "did" is what puts us in the poor house, well....at least I'll go with great nails.

But seriously. Why am I a rockstar? I have been on this diet for 4 days now and each day has presented a new and unique opportunity for yummy food eating.

Day one: Red Sox game. Who goes to a game when they can't eat anything? Isn't that like half the reason to go? I did not indulge.

Day two: Lunch with the girls at the 99. For one, they give you that yummy popcorn and wheat thins with processed cheese spread. Even as a certified (or certifiable) foodie, I am a sucker for the processed cheese spread. Also, they have this this drink. Grapefruit Margarita. Think summer in a glass (NOT that I'd drink during lunch....). And I drank a shake I brought, 2 glasses of water, and a diet pepsi. One of my friends had a honey mustard crispy chicken salad. With cheese. And flatbread. Oh, you sweet, sweet salad, even you cannot tempt me.

Day three: Got my nails done (hey, we're not headed to the poor house yet). I realize this does not seem like much of a temptation. But there is a new Thai (if you're reading the way I think, this is pronounced "thigh" because I amuse myself) place at the mall. And I could smell all kinds of Thai yumminess wafting into the nail salon (Gotta say, that's way better than the nail polish and acrylic I usually inhale). I'm all about the Pad Thai (pronounced correctly). And have been dying for some all summer. Nothing says yum like those flat noodles smothered in peanuty sauce goodness. But I got a large diet Dr. Pepper (note to Chick-fil-A: thank you from the bottom of my fatty toes for providing a diet drink alternative) and walked the mall. Then went home and passed out with a fever. That was unpleasant. (And not a joke. I really WAS sick.)

Day four: Company Picnic. They had teriyaki chicken kabobs. With little red potatoes. And grilled veggies. And grilled corn on the cob. Oh, and push pops. Remember push pops? The ice cream you push? Every time the jingle, jingle of the ice cream man was heard in my neighborhood, I would beg, borrow, and steal quarters from my mom so I could get one. They are the taste of summer to me (interestingly enough, the Grapefruit Margarita at the 9's is very similar...). Oh, did I mention the open bar? With pina coladas? No? Well let me just say that, while no pina colada will ever compare to those we had on our honeymoon at Disney World, any pina colada is good enough. But I had none of it. I did have a half melted plan-approved chocolate bar meal replacement. If you close your eyes and pretend that half your taste buds have been removed, it almost tastes just like a Hershey bar. Which clearly is as good as any teriyaki chicken kabob.

So that is why I am a rockstar. That and the FIVE, count them FIVE, pounds I've lost already. At least according to my scale at home. After having been burned by the Weight Watches scale one too many times, I know better than to count my pounds before they hatch. But I am so proud of my progress to date.

I have heard people say, "Weight Watchers works for everyone. If it doesn't work for you, you're probably not working the program." I've even said it myself. And when I said it, I honestly believed it. In all honesty, the program makes perfect sense. I've suggested it to dozens of people I know. And several have gone on to lose plenty of weight with it. I have a friend who hit her goal weight and is now using the program, successfully, to take off her baby weight. I honestly think it's fantastic. But you have to be patient for it to work. You have to be willing to spend weeks or even months or in my case, years, at a plateau. You have to be willing to sacrifice foods you want for a weight loss of less than a pound a week in most cases. And you have to understand that the women who run the weight watchers meetings are not medical professionals. They cannot tell you if you have a medical reason for your failure to lose weight. All they can tell you is how to work the program.

Here is an example of working the program. I got 28 points a day on Weight Watchers. Now, if I ate nothing but 1 point bars, at 100 calories each, that would translate to 2,800 calories a day. Which is way too much food for me! Now, of course, they will tell you that a one point bar is one point. But two one point bars is three points. That's fine. But if I'm eating one 1 point bar, a one point english muffin (also at 100 calories) and finishing up with a one point ice cream bar (also 100 calories), I can count them all as individual points. And I have just consumed 300 calories. For three points. Which is fine. And yummy. Those ice cream bars rock. But it will not lead to weight loss.

Another thing Weight Watchers does not consider is your individual body composition. Even Weight Watchers will tell you that it operates under the principle that their plan will work for most people. But there are always statistical outlyers. And they don't know if you're one of them or not. I am. Clearly. Because my failure to be successful in the long term on Weight Watchers was not a lack of willpower (hi, rockstar. With no margarita, push pop, or Fenway Frank to prove it) or effort...it was a lack of efficacy. It was simply not effective for me.

Now, in three weeks when I'm crying in my shake that I haven't lost any weight and it's not fair because all I did was order Chinese once, please remind me of this mini rant. In the meantime, I am putting my name up for consideration for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Because, hi, I'm a total rockstar. What my autograph??