Things I Love

Voice mail. I love voice mail. I think it's God's gift to communication. I really do. How else can I pretend to want to talk to someone I don't want to talk to? If the chances of my getting voice mail every time I called my friend weren't better than 75%, I'd never call. Especially today. Yesterday's conversation didn't go so well. I understand it's not HER fault she's pregnant. Wait, scratch that. It's totally her fault. Well, hers and her husband's. It is, however, not her fault that I'm not pregnant. I'm pretty sure at least. Perhaps she's the Nazi....

But regardless of how I feel about my own situation, getting off the phone with her mid-sob with a promise to call her back later was perhaps not what she had in mind when she called me to announce her pregnancy. Just a thought. Needless to say I did not call her back last night. I was busy pounding my fist into the wall swearing at the curtain gods (more on that later). But I composed myself, waited till I was pretty sure I'd get voice mail, and called her back. 3 karma points for calling....3 lost for hoping for voicemail. Feels like a wash to me.

At least I managed not to eat my weight in toast and pizza today. Which is another thing I love. No, not toast and pizza (well yes, toast and pizza, but not the point...): being in control. I'm tired of feeling so out of control that I shove food in my face like it's my job. I think my emotions live in my stomach. And if I don't squelch them down with food, they'll come out. So the more food I can pack into my esophagus, the less likely I am to actually FEEL them. No really. This plan works like a charm. I totally recommend trying it. The best part is that you get to go shopping every couple of months for a new wardrobe. What does it say about me that I'm on a first name basis with the manager at Lane Bryant and she sends me hand written thank you notes? I'm leaning towards either "fashion plate" or "sad, pathetic fat girl"...thoughts? On the bright side, I haven't felt anything in months....Oh wait...that doesn't sound accurate either. Well crap then. There goes that theory out the window. So see my point? In control is a good thing. Eating does not actually help me feel better. It's just something to do while I pretend to ignore what's upsetting me. What have I learned? Ignoring is bad. Because now I have to lose weight before I can continue my infertility journey. Well now talk about defeating the purpose.

Which brings me to another thing I love. My BFF, murpy. Love her. She actually said to me "I'm not dealing with this negative self esteem stuff anymore." Ouch. But hi, love her. For real.

And finally on my list of things I love. My curtains. OMG, how I love my curtains. They're not really even all that fancy. But after what I went through to hang the mother effers, they make me beyond happy. Please see picture:

Cute, right? And now HG can get some sleep after the sun comes up. Oh, and Hi, they're silk. ($12.99 each. I am such a bargain hunter. Go me!) Not a fan of the TV on the dresser like that. That'll be a project for another day. Found the cutest solution at the Maxx...question is how exactly do you sneak a bright blue cabinet into your bedroom? I'm fairly certain that won't go unnoticed by the HG....hmmmmm....stay tuned....

And finally, finally on the list of things I love. This sound: "Turn, click, scrape....'Hi Honey'". That means the boy is home. I adore him so. Yes, I'm a dork. But even though he's in the loft and I'm in the bedroom typing away, just knowing he's home makes me happy.